After four months with no access to a hair salon, but plenty of access to peanut M&Ms, there is no part of me that is ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille. Yet, despite not being camera-ready, I recently had the starring role in a COVID comedy of errors. Like many...
I was born with a rare condition that makes it hard for me to live full-time in the present. As medical professionals have failed to recognize this affliction as an actual thing, I have come up with my own name. I call it congenital nostalgia and I swear I felt its...
I began teaching English as a Second Language at a local college about twenty years ago. In that time, I have learned so much from my students—from the profound, such as different cultural beliefs about the afterlife, to the practical, such as how to count to ten...
My friend called this morning, asking my opinion about a Groupon microblading deal she’d snagged. While she readily acknowledged beauty is pain, she feared this procedure might entail more than she’d bargained for. “Microblading, painful? Pfft! Don’t make me laugh,”...
If, as they say, timing is everything, then I’ve got nothing. My timing is notoriously crummy. I routinely jump the gun or show up after it’s been fired, causing me to miss out on everything from those “ground floor” investment opportunities to good bra sales. I...
As a post-menopausal woman whose bones are leaching calcium, I am mindful of my every step. I hold onto stairway banisters, avoid ladders, and long ago hung up my ice skates, fearful one bad spill could end in bone-breaking calamity. How ironic, then, that I continued...
I’m ridiculous and I know it. I’m going to blame it on my astrological chart because, well, why not? Born as I was on the very cusp of Leo and Virgo, I’ve been cursed with a double helping of loyalty, an admirable trait, but one that often works against me when...
In this season of goodwill, it is ironic that I have learned the painful truth that no good deed goes unpunished. While I was preparing to deliver a load of Toys for Tots, my dog Harper was plotting an act of defiance that culminated in my complete humiliation. Having...
I have some startling news to share. It turns out I possess actual superpowers. For years, the metaphysical mojo of the “Law of Attraction” has eluded me, but last week I made magic. Right in front of my bathroom mirror. It was a normal Thursday afternoon. I was...
