Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe the disturbing experience I had today is proof positive that the Doomsday Clock is thundering toward the end of civilization as we know it.
I was in a hurry this morning and in a complete departure from my daily habit of at least 45 years, I neglected to put on my watch. Halfway to work, I started having that panicky feeling that I’d forgotten something. I quickly looked down to see if I was wearing pants—don’t laugh, it happens. Fortunately, my pants were on (this time) and I was even wearing two matching shoes, so I tried to dismiss the nagging thought that something was missing.
It was not until I was several minutes into teaching my “English as a Second Language for Millennials” class that I glanced at my wrist and made the shocking realization that it was buck naked, with only a faint tan line where my timepiece should have been.
“Yikes,” I exclaimed. (Yes, I actually said the word “yikes.”) “I forgot to put on my watch. What time is it, you guys?”
And that’s when the shock of forgetting my watch was completely eclipsed by my shock at seeing the entire class grab their phones to check the time. When I asked if anyone had a watch, I received only blank stares in response as if I’d asked for a kerosene lamp. No one had a watch, not even a fancy high-tech one. I felt so old at that moment I thought I might sprout a Dowager’s hump on the spot.
I picked up my ear trumpet so I could clearly hear my class explain that watches are unnecessary nowadays when everyone has a phone. “We just look at our phones,” they cried.
But, I countered, sometimes your phone isn’t in front of you—it’s in your purse, your pocket, your backpack and it’s inconvenient to get it out just to check the time.
Yes, they conceded, sometimes this was an issue. One student even lamented that it was indeed unfortunate you couldn’t somehow strap your phone onto your body (like, possibly on your wrist?), so you could steal a furtive glance at the time in a boring class—of course, not my class, he assured me.
Wow, a wearable clock, what a brilliant idea! If only someone would invent something like that. I thought my head would explode, but things were about to go even further south. By sheer coincidence, part of the day’s lesson involved making a timeline for daily activities. The students opened their books and pandemonium broke out when they came face to face with this horrifying sight.
Yes, a blank clock face. Actually, several of them. The students were to draw hands on the clocks and write activities that corresponded to the times, using different verb tenses. For example, show the clock at 10:30 and write, “I had a meeting at 10:30 this morning.”
“We don’t know how to do that clock thing in English!” they all yelled out in panicked confusion.
In English? Now I was the one who was truly confused. Speaking English is not necessary to do that “clock thing,” but it quickly became apparent English was not the issue. They had no clue how to draw hands on a clock or decipher what the big hand and the little hand signified when I did a few examples on the board for them. The stunning truth was they could only read digital clocks.
As I stood there, letting that realization sink in, I suddenly felt a bit faint and decided to dismiss class without even looking at anyone’s phone. My stomach told me it was time for lunch and my husband was probably out in the parking lot, waiting to pick me up in our newfangled horseless carriage. I just prayed we made it home safely before the Doomsday Clock struck twelve.
Excellent. Kerosene lamp, Dowager’s hump, horseless carriage. Imagine trying to teach those concepts. Funny post.
Thanks so much, Pam! I was stunned–not one ESL student had a problem writing in English, but the clock face stumped them??? I need a drink now–and by drink, I mean Metamucil. 🙂
Lee I work at a large high school and can verify that very few of the 1500 students can read the clock on my wall (not digital). They have to pull their cell phones out of their pockets before they can fill out the sign-in sheet. Sometimes I wonder if it is really important any more. I remember my late grandmother being horrified that young people did not even know how to churn butter! Horrors! Enjoyed your blog a lot!
Churn butter, LOL! I know, I hate to seem so outdated, but this one really took me by surprise. It never occurred to me that reading a clock face or wearing a watch had become obsolete. I had better take my rheumatism medicine and lie down! Thanks so much for stopping by, Denise!
This is awesome — I will be sharing this with my daughter. She is a librarian who makes it her business to teach kids to read a non-digital clock when they come up to check out books. I think she is even doing a class for a group of home-school kids this spring!
It was so shocking to me, akin to when I was teaching middle school and the kids had a fit when I showed a movie clip in black and white. They actually cried out, “We don’t understand black and white.” I told them to calm down because there were subtitles in color. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by, Mary!
There is a standard cognitive test we perform with patients to check for signs of dementia that involves drawing a clock and adding the hands to show 10 after 11. I hope the dementia researchers are devising a new test to use for the millenials when they are our age or else they will all be diagnosed with dementia! And since they don’t know how to write in cursive how will they sign checks? Oh wait. What’s a check? Haha! You made me laugh and that is always a good thing.
If they don’t devise a new test, we are going to have an epidemic of early dementia patients! But, Molly, I can read a clock, but often forget what I’m saying mid-sentence–is that bad?
Molly, in the future only us old geezers will know how to read cursive. We can build a lucrative career out of translating hand written documents.
Too funny! I always feel naked without my watch!! I have been known to wear it even if the battery needs replacing. We bought our granddaughter a Disney princess watch a few years ago. “What’s this?” she asked.Le sigh.
That’s too funny about your granddaughter! I was so taken aback because I just didn’t realize this social change had happened. A watch and a phone just don’t seem mutually exclusive to me! Of course, I’ve been shaken ever since a 6th-grader asked me if I could SPEAK cursive! Thanks for stopping by, Lynne!