The other day, a friend posted a photo on Facebook that made me snort out loud. It was a sign advertising the offerings of a roadside business. It read: Bait & Tackle, Liquor Store, Apartment for Rent, Family Dining. All Under One Roof!
Humor value aside, I believe that sign illustrates an important point we often lose sight of: You can’t be all things to all people. Those who try to be usually end up frustrated, with their energy depleted and their efforts ineffective. If you want to sell bait, be a bait shop; if you want to serve meals, be a restaurant. As they say in today’s buzz-wordy business parlance, “Don’t dilute your brand.”
True, diversifying to broaden your market appeal can increase your stability, but it’s important to know when to say when. Diversifying too far beyond your core identity or trying to spread your message across widely disparate audiences usually backfires. Your mission becomes muddled and your market, undistinguished. Think of the restaurant that boasts 20 different “specialties.” It’s unlikely there is anything very special about any of them. In trying to serve everyone in general, we often end up serving no one in particular.
This principle applies not only to business, but to life. As a natural born pleaser, I have had a particularly hard time learning this lesson. Or to be more accurate, continuing to learn this lesson, as I need a refresher course just about every day. I truly enjoy serving others…as many others as possible…as often as possible. Now, before you nominate me for Humanitarian of the Year, let me say that I enjoy being served just as much—massage gift certificates may be emailed directly to my Inbox.
Seriously, though, I derive great satisfaction from making other people happy and don’t mind going out of my way to do so. Wanting to please others is an admirable trait, but taken to an extreme, it not only delays me from reaching my own goals, it is not always the best course of action for those I’m trying to serve. Blinded by the immediate and seemingly urgent need someone has, I can lose sight of the bigger picture and my defined role in it. I sometimes think if I were about to undergo open heart surgery and overheard the surgeon mention that he’d forgotten to mail a letter, I would jump off the table and run it to the post office for him. A wise choice? Well, let’s see—the letter would get mailed, but I would put my life in mortal danger as well as squander time, money and valuable medical resources in the process. To say nothing of the mental trauma inflicted on an unwitting public at the sight of a middle-aged, semi-anesthetized woman running down the street with her hospital gown flapping open.
How could a routine, albeit hypothetical, heart surgery turn into such a fiasco? Simply put, by my failure to clearly define and understand my identity. I was a surgical patient, not a mailman. My mission as a surgical patient was to lie on the operating table, not to run to the post office. I lost sight of my identity; I tried instead to be whatever was needed at the moment and complete chaos resulted. The same thing happens in our business and personal lives when we are unclear in our own minds about what our core identity is and what our mission is. Once we are very clear about those two fundamentals, decisions become much easier to make. Our identity and mission will necessarily dictate some actions and preclude others. When in doubt, we need to ask ourselves these questions: Who am I; what business am I about; and, given those answers, what action will best serve me as well as others.
Our efforts and energies will then be focused, not scattered, and we will begin to build the kinds of strong, meaningful relationships that inspire confidence in others and contribute to our success.
And someday when the red-hot bait & tackle/fine dining combo concept has cooled off, I already have a great idea for next big thing—a full-service operating room with a drive thru mail window. Now, that’s a place worth tying up your hospital gown for!
One of the best things I have read in years! The heart surgery/letter posting analogy is perfect for illustrating the futility of trying to be all things to all people. Also, your admission that you are still learning not to be a pleaser. This woke me up too because this is me as well but I didn’t realise it until I read your words. I like to believe I don’t ‘give a f*** ‘ but in reality, have a long way to go in shaking off that tendency to jump off the operating table to post the surgeon’s letter. Sorry for the expletive but I am referring to a book and a Ted Talk by the author about the f economy and how giving our f’s away too easily is like squandering our money. When I saw the Ted Talk based on the book, The Life Changing Magic of Not Gving a F***, I was so excited and began, the same day, to start saying no to people without apologising or giving reasons. And it DOES free up your time but it’s SO hard for a pleaser to do naturally and like you, I am still learning to get out of my own way. Thank you for this Lee, it’s brilliant, REALLY brilliant (and I don’t say that as a pleaser! 🙂
Thank you so much, Gilly! I’m so pleased that you were pleased! 😉 And I agree completely–we give our F’s away too easily. I’ve squandered too many on people and issues that were not worth it. I gave an F when I should have given an F-U to them! It’s a hard lesson, but one that is freeing when you really get it down. I’m getting closer, but not all the way there yet!
This is great, Lee, and reminds me of General Stockdale when he ran on the VP ticket with Ross Perot. During a debate he said, “Who am I? And what am I doing here?” The good thing about his public self reflection is he didn’t end up people pleasing, but I hope in his landslide loss he was able to answer those questions for himself. I don’t do much deep reflection, as you know, so I’m going to rely on you to do it for me, which you have just done beautifully, my friend!
Molly, my lovely bosom bloggy buddy and pal, I never saw this comment. You and Rosie were victims of a nasty techno tantrum on my site. Thank goodness, you’re too shallow to be hurt deeply! 🙂 Thank you so much for your wise comments. Love you!!
I am a people pleaser too. And yes I keep wondering when I’m going to stop the multitasking putting everyone else needs first thing!
Yikes, Rosie, my reply never posted. We are people pleasers, but technology sure isn’t. Thanks for stopping by and relating!
Nice reminder, Lee. I was laughing at the vision of you mailing a letter in a hospital gown!! 😂
Ha, ha! That’s a sight no one should be subjected to, Lynne! thanks for stopping by!
For us people pleasers, this is a hard one to remember…..
But I think old age is finally making me realize it to some extent!!
XOOX
Yes, Mother Nature is intervening for me these days. I just get too tired to do it all!
The mixing of bait and restaurant definitely give me pause! Who knows what their daily special is? I think many women are the same way about pleasing. We want to be helpful, sometimes at our own expense. (Lee, please never leave an operating table to mail a letter).
Even if the surgeon really, really needed someone to mail it? 😉
I love making people happy. I think I’ve gotten pretty good at knowing my limitations though. I try to stick with showering people with baked goods 😉
But why don’t you live close enough to bring some baked goods over? No, I know the elaborate goodies you make and that would be very dangerous for my healthy eating resolutions! I have no “off” switch where sweets are concerned!
I tried commenting earlier, but then I was booted from your page. Maybe I did something naughty? Wink. Wink. Years ago, when cellular phones were still new, I was driving down the DelMarVa and saw a shack with a sign advertising, “Billy Bob’s Bait, Tackle, and Cellular Phones.” It just made me wonder what bucket the cellphones were kept in.
Why do I have no problem believing you were naughty? 😉 DelMarVa, oh, memories. My ex’s family had a condo in OC and we were there every summer! Never got a bucket phone, though. 😉
So true – you can’t do it all! But I really admire that shop’s attempt at trying!
I just want to know if the live bait is available as a main course or side dish!
I love your honesty. I am definitely a believer in boundaries and setting limits, so I am on the other side of this. But it was a learned behavior.
I think I still have one foot on each side, but I’m trying to there with you! <3
Would the drive through mailroom accept gurneys? What about lunatic Mcdonalds women?
I think the gurney system would work quite well. Possibly a mental health/rehab/grammar clinic for the McD’s loon.