They say you should never believe your own press, that you are neither as great nor as awful as any particular source deems you to be. I just had that lesson slap me in the face. Hard. Some of the young women—in their 20s and 30s—from my adult ESL class hung around after class this morning and we started talking about age and how fast time flies. I happen to have a “milestone” (or as I often think of it, a 100,000-mile-stone) birthday coming up this summer and I mentioned that I couldn’t believe I was going to be that age. They mistakenly understood me to say “forty-six” and spontaneously exclaimed, “Forty-six isn’t that old. You look great.”
Forty-six, old? Are you kidding me? I mean, are you even potty trained yet at forty-six? I’m pretty sure I was still sucking my thumb. The fantasy of being forty-six again was so intoxicating that I was tempted to let their gross misunderstanding (and obvious nearsightedness and/or brown-nosing) slide, but I ‘fessed up and corrected them.
“Ladies, check your ears or your English. I said SIX-ty, 6-0, not forty-SIX.”
Now, I am not delusional enough to think they really believed I looked 46, but I do believe they were sincerely surprised at my real age, as evidenced by their immediate close-up examination of my skin to look for wrinkles and check for elasticity. (Not to mention the ringleader urging the students hanging back to step up and do the same.) The women in my family do tend to have faces that belie their age—my 35-year-old daughter still gets carded—so I am a bit fortunate in that genetic regard. From the neck down, however, the illusion begins to deteriorate, at least in my case. One peak in the dressing room after the Spanx and duct tape have been peeled off and you’ll start measuring me for a pine box.
Nevertheless, I left class and headed to the supermarket with a little extra bounce in my step from the temporary ego boost. Make that very temporary. When I got to the check-out line, the cashier, without a second’s hesitation, automatically applied the senior citizen discount right to my supposed younger-than-my-years face. My heart sank, yes, just like everything below my waist already has.
And this is the problem with basing our worth on others’ opinions. We go from the heights to the depths inside of fifteen minutes and, in truth, neither extreme may be particularly accurate. Ideally, the only estimation of our value that should matter, from our greatness to our awfulness, is our own. That’s why it’s called self-worth and not imputed-to-me-by-the-judgment-of-others-worth. Plus, that would be really hard to say.
But here’s the thing, sometimes it’s our own internal assessment that is off. Sometimes our internal mirror is the one reflecting the distorted image. What then? That’s when we need someone outside of ourselves to hold up a mirror that reflects a clear image for us. Many of us tend to undervalue ourselves and we need someone to hold up what my friend Jeanie King calls the mirror of perfection to us. And at other times, we may need someone to gently, but honestly let us know where we’re going off course and help us get back on the right track.
In the end, we have to weigh and balance the messages coming from within and those coming from without. We have to listen to our own voice and sometimes the voices of others that we trust and then decide what feels right for us. We are the only ones who determine our truth. And I have just determined I’m going with my students’ generous opinion as my truth for today. But I’m keeping the senior discount, baby!
Lee, Your “joie de vivre” will make you forever young. As someone who recently hit that “100,000 mile check-up” I can tell you the view’s not bad from up here. I believe happiness and confidence make a woman beautiful, especially in the later years. You have both… besides that great skin!
Thank you, Laurie, and it’s the truth for you as well! Pets, music and our sassiness will keep us young! If you’ve hit that milestone that I’m about to, I feel really encouraged because, girl, you look and project youth and vibrance!
Absolutely right! When I was younger, the opinions of others governed my life, my thoughts, my happiness WAY too much. Now that I am 61 – I couldn’t give a dam what unpleasant, uninformed, ignorant people think. I wish them no harm of course because they are victims in many ways. Oh how I wish I had the attitude I have now whenI was 20! But then I guess we all say that. For the record, from the pictures you sometimes put up,I didn’t realise you were 66 which really just goes to show – I may have a distorted view of what 66 should look like! You carry on being 46 or whatever age you feel like! 😀
Oh, I know. Gilly, if only we had known then…But I think we’re making up for lost time now! I told my college roommate last night–we didn’t go through years of crap to not enjoy our life now, let’s live it! PS I’m only going to be 60, but I’m taking your compliment anyway. 66 will be here before I know it! 🙂
You exude beauty, grace and intellect from the inside and that is what will serve you well in the coming years.
I just watched an interview with Katharine Hepburn who was in her 60’s at the time. She said to stay curious, learn, face your fears, keep moving on, care not what others say about you and trust in yourself. She didn’t actually SAY those words but you know it’s what she meant. I love her and her example is still a shining oone. You are already there, dear one!
You are so kind, my dearest Cathy! Same right back at you, lady. You are one of the best things about our modern techno age–how else would I have ever connected with you if not for the internet? You are amazing.
I had a cashier at the supermarket tell me I must have been a really young mum for my kids to be so old. It was flattering because I look in the mirror and every year the little signs of age sneak up faster – a little bit of confidence bolstering never goes astray, glad you had some too x
Good for you! I’ll take a compliment any way it comes! I think we are our own worst critics, so it’s nice when someone else gives us another perspective. 🙂
Somewhere around my mid-fifties, I stopped caring what other people think of me. I guess I realized that their opinions really don’t matter. I live my life as I see fit, and I do have friends, positive relationships, and successes to show for it. So — I think I’m doing Okay, and that’s all that matters. I’ll be 67 in 2 months, and just started enjoying retired life last year.
Oh, yes, the freedom that comes with getting older and wiser is wonderful. Why does it take so long for us to give ourselves permission to live our own lives? I’m just glad we’re there now! Thanks for stopping by!
Excellent post! So, I’m almost 45. Yes, I am fully potty trained. Or wait……. I used to be…… But, I’ve had three babies, and since have developed a little problem with leakage…… you know? Like when I laugh to hard? Or like, every blasted time I sneeze? Or cough? What the heck??? If not for this one problem, even in spite of the fact that I’ve decided to let my grey grow in, (it’s trending right now you know) I would feel young. But seriously, peeing my pants, or holding my crotch every time I sneeze is a problem……
I hear ya! I’ve found there’s almost no way to hold your crotch inconspicuously in public–unless you’re in a rap video, but probably not gonna happen for me! I actually thought I had escaped that issue until a couple years ago when I got on a trampoline with some kids and–holy crap, well, not crap, thank goodness–pee just started streaming down my legs, aaaggghhh! I didn’t even feel like I had to go! Now it’s every cough, sneeze and chortle! Thanks for stopping by!
Measured for a Pine box! Lol!! I love this and you’re gorgeous AND a grandma so I’m doubly drooling!
Thank you, crazy cat lady! By the way, I want the first Ritz ‘n’ Bits card that rolls off the line! Thanks for making me laugh! XOXO
Thanks for this, Lee. I know one thing I need to work on, my sassiness. You wrote:
In the end, we have to weigh and balance the messages coming from within and those coming from without.
I need to tattoo that to my forehead. Hugs.
I need that same tattoo because it’s one thing to write it in a blog post and another to remember to live it! And maybe another one that says, “It’s okay, really.” Thank you, Beth!
We are the ones who determine our truths. Yes, he’ll yesss! I hope that when I am 66, I am as wonderfully wise and hilarious. Thanks for the inspiration and encouragement, Lee.
Thanks, Rica, back at ya! P.S. In August I’m only going to be 60…66 will get here soon enough, though! And, yes, I do have plans to go to Colombia for a little tune-up when I’m ready! Jorge’s cousin is an anesthesiologist for a plastic surgery group! Can you say family discount? 🙂
I always love your stories! Yes go with 46 and the discount.
I somehow missed this comment until right now! Heck, yeah, youth and a discount is the way to go! Thanks, Lori! XO