My father, my sister and I enjoyed a close familial relationship, but we also shared a bond that went beyond our bloodline, a commonality we didn’t so much celebrate as endure. We each had an intense dislike of our given names. In a world chock full of Toms, Dicks and Harriets, there wasn’t much room for a Bruno, an Aurelia and a Lenora. Our names were met with everything from consternation to ridicule.
Of the three of us, my sister got off easiest since her despised appellation was her middle name. My dad and I had to tough it out with first names that had to be repeated, spelled and explained on a regular basis. None of our names were bestowed upon us with ill intent, just the opposite, in fact. We were each named in honor of someone else. My father was born on October 6, St. Bruno’s Day, so like good Italian Catholics, his parents named him after that saint—despite the fact that St. Bruno was actually German. At any rate, my father went through his entire life hating his first name and likely resenting that his brother Peter got the “normal” name in the family.
When it came time to give my second oldest sister a middle name, it really wasn’t a case of my father venting his name rage on his progeny; it was just to keep the grandmother game even. Since the oldest daughter in my family had already snagged Maria, my maternal grandmother’s name, as her middle name, it was only fair to give my paternal grandmother’s name to the second daughter. And so my second oldest sister was saddled with the middle name Aurelia, which made her cringe and all the other kids snicker every time the nuns called her by her full name as was typical in Catholic schoolrooms of days gone by.
Then I came along, and the naming ball was back in my mother’s court. Just my luck, my mother had a favorite cousin named Lenora, a name that captivated my mother with what she termed its “musical lilt.” (In what passed for preteen wit, my standard response to that back in the day was “only if you are tone deaf.”) Fortunately for me, my mother was also charmed by the diminutive Lee which her cousin used, so I was officially named Lenora, but called Lee by family and friends. Now, I admit I do like Lee, despite the number of times I heard “but that’s a boy’s name” when I was growing up. (I had a small meltdown on my fifth birthday when the bakery delivered my cake, topped with a blue plastic dump truck instead of the pink ballerina figurine I’d eyed in the display case.)
But all my life in any “official” setting, from classrooms to job interviews to doctor’s appointments,” I’ve had to bridge the Lenora/Lee divide. When calling for a doctor’s appointment, it usually goes something like this.
“And what is your first name again?”
“Lee, but you’ll have it in your records as Lenora.”
“Eleanor?”
“No, Lenora.”
“Lenore?”
“No, LenorA.”
“Oh, Leonora.”
“No, just Len-ora. But I go by Lee.”
“Oh, L-e-i-g-h?”
“No, just L-e-e.”
“Isn’t that the spelling for a man?”
“You know, I’m just gonna go ahead and remove my appendix here at home.”
So imagine how shocked, no, make that shocked, stunned and slightly horrified, I was when my daughter, six months pregnant with a little girl, announced that she and her husband were considering naming the baby…Lenora. Now most grandmothers would have likely squealed with delight over having their first grandchild named for them, but the first words out of my mouth were, “Why do you hate your baby?”
My daughter sighed and replied matter-of-factly, “I really like that name. It’s a little unusual, but not oddly unusual. I think it’s really pretty.”
If she said it was musical, I was going to scream. Off key.
“And,” she continued, “we would call her Nora.”
Now, “Nora” I could get on board with. In fact, I even considered changing from Lee to Nora at one point in my life. My only suggestion was to name the baby Nora flat out to spare her a lifetime of Lenora/Nora confusion. That’s what they decided to do, and I couldn’t have been more thrilled to think that my granddaughter would forever carry a part of my name, a good part at that, with her.
That’s when my daughter upped the ante and added that she’d long ago determined the baby’s middle name.
“That will definitely be Aurelia,” she announced decisively. “It’s perfect.”
Again, I was stunned. And speechless. And suddenly weeping. In that moment I realized what my daughter, one who plays her emotional cards pretty close to the vest most of the time, was doing. She was quietly, without fanfare, carrying on a family tradition of naming children in honor of someone greatly loved and respected. She was gifting her daughter with an extraordinary name in honor of two extraordinary women who were now gone from our lives, but never from our hearts. My beloved grandmother and sister were no longer with us, but our family would soon have a new little Aurelia to love. I don’t think I have ever been prouder of my daughter than at that moment.
“And just so you know, Mom,” my daughter said with finality, “if the next one is a boy, his middle name is Bruno, no question.”
“No question,” I replied, smiling through tears.
Shakespeare long ago asked, “What’s in a name?” Thanks to my daughter, I now know the answer. It’s love.
Oh, I love this, Lee! My middle name is Louise (suddenly popular again!) after my sweet great grandmother. I never liked it – but do love the tradition of middle names honoring family.
Now, see, I like Louise. The “older” traditional names are making a comeback. I know a new baby named that! I just have to smile, thinking how my dad and sister would react if they were here to know their names had taken on new life. In fact, I think that thundering I just hear was them rolling over in their graves! 🙂
Give me a minute to wipe away my tears before answers. I laughed out loud, nodded complete understanding and then cried through the ending. Absolutely lovely.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Mandi. I went through pretty much those same emotions writing it, I think! This new little one has brought such joy into our lives. Holding her in your arms makes everything else seem okay. Thanks so much for stopping by!
Great article that new parents should read! My father in law wanted our children named after family, names like Clara, Ethelina (my own grandpa hated this name & called my grandma Girlie). I did not go along. Luckily my kids became Leigha & Ryan. Both of them love their names. There has got to be a better way to honor family.
Oh, if my dad and sister were still alive, they would BALK loudly at using their names, which they hated. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, ha!
Oh gosh now I’m crying! I love your daughter!!
I understand your angst though, my name was shortened to Tina by family, which I hate. Thank goodness for social media, now some people actually call me by my name!
She really surprised me on this name deal! She is different from me in some ways–she has a great sense of humor, but she doesn’t show a lot of sentimentality or gushy emotions like I do! But she feels deeply and this act really moved me on so many levels.
Beautifully written, Lee. I love the tradition of giving family names. It is also done in my family. Only problem is, we all have the same names, generation after generation, so we are all called by nicknames, derived from our original names.
Yes, we’ve Al and Bert (both Albert) Trese and Tessie (both Theresa)and by coincidence my uncle married a girl named Lenora, so we had Lee and Nora and on it went.My middle name is Theresa, which was my mom’s first name, and my daughter is Victoria, which was my mom’s middle name. But, until now, I’d never heard of ANY of us making a bid for BRUNO!
Awww. Well, “regular” names are no longer the norm. So these historical beauties are getting an airing. Love it.
They certainly are. I know all these babies with names my friends and I would have thought sounded like old lady names when we were young, Helen, Emma, Beatrice, etc. They’re beautiful.
3 of my sons are named after grandfathers & fathers and my daughter & youngest son have names that we liked as I had run out of ideas! My dad & his brothers were known by their middle names – I found it amusing that my Uncle Ted & Uncle Bob had the each others names as their given name eg Robert Edward and Edward Robert !!
I always ask if we couldn’t afford new names! My middle name is Theresa, which was my mom’s first name. My daughter is Victoria, my mom’s middle mane! I love your reversed uncles! 🙂
“Aurelia” is my daughter’s name and was the name of my husband’s great aunt. I’d never ever heard the name except in Love Actually and The Giver, I’m excited there’s someone else out there with the name! haha Though I had to laugh reading your post as I’m not sure “Lenora” is worse than “Aurelia”. My poor daughter – who isn’t quit 2 – has already been called everything from “Aurora” to “Ariela” to “Aerola” (the last one being done by a NURSE!) Terrible. haha
WOW! I’ve never known another one. I love it! My poor sister suffered back in the day, but nowadays all these names are making a comeback. And, I like it. Areola, that’s hilarious!!! I’m glad she’s too young to know that one!
Oh Lee (or Lenora?), you make me laugh. You make me cry. Personally I like the name Lenora, but that’s me.
What a wonderful tribute to you, your sister, and your father from your daughter. Got a little sniffly reading this. So sweet.
I know lots of people who thinks it’s so pretty…I’m still not a big fan of it! 😉 Here’s a weird coincidence, though. The park where I used to take my other dog was located, no kidding, at the intersection of Lenora Road and Lee Road. It’s like my whole world came together…at the dog park!
Spell your last name as Mathews instead of Matthews, and the only reason it is one T is because your derelict tax dodging sperm donor had it legally changed to outrun the IRS. Hilarious stuff as usually, know off to pick a pineapple.
I beg to differ, Gary. 😉
Love this, Lee! Names are so special and personal.
You tell him, girl! Ha ha!
Ha ha! Hey, think of my poor Colombian transplanted husband, Jorge Gaitan (HOR-HAY GUY-TONN) here in the South. They nurse called out in the waiting room for for GEORGE GAYT’N and he just sat there. I had to tell him, that was his name they were calling!
I name my babe’s for sentiment. I was given the number one most popular name for the year of my birth. This led to much confusion as I became lost in the masses of Jessica’s and Jennifer’s in schools. If I was so insignificant to be called Jennifer one more time I would absolutely break down and cry. I tried to make myself unique by shortening it every which way possible, and somehow, alas ten other girls (and sometimes boys) in my class would share that name.
So I thought maybe my name had some sort of historical significance or meaning. I looked up the definition, “invented by Shakespeare.” Great, the plagiaristic writer I live my life to dread.
So I thought perhaps my name held some sort of great value. Perhaps I had something that made me special from the other’s, some great relative that achieved extraordinary feats! So finally one day I asked my mom why that name. She shrugged, “It was pretty.” “Ya, but what made you pick it?” Again, “Nothing special, just a pretty name out of a name book.”
So my daughters have unique names…very unique. They will hate me for it, just like I hate my mom for mine, and she hated her mom for hers…now that’s tradition! 🙂
Ha ha, no kidding, that is the real tradition many times! Hey, if it makes you feel any better, when my roommate and I were in college and hanging at a bar, we’d used made-up names and stories about our lives. I was always Jessica or Erica! It WAS a very popular name! 🙂
Now that I’ve wiped away my tears and blown my nose, I’m ready to leave a comment. Nora Aurelia has a beautiful name and it is also pretty special that she’s named after her own beloved grandmother who is here to enjoy every possible moment with her. Sadly my son and daughter-in-law did not see fit to incorporate any part of my name into their sons’ first or middle names despite my pleadings. And you may have to stage a protest if they have another girl and insist on using Bruno, though I believe she would not have any bullies getting the best of her. I laughed aloud at the line, “You know, I’m just gonna go ahead and remove my appendix here at home.” Love your writing, sister, and you.
And in truth, I ended up keeping my appendix! Jorge did have his out a few years back–he wouldn’t let me do the surgery though. I think Nora will like her name because the old names have made a big comeback. But BRUNO to me is beyond the pale, but my daughter says it’s cool now too. True story: my cousin’s baby was due at the beginning of October. This was in 1981 when you had to wait till delivery to know the gender. My cousin told me my dad said to her, “Honey, even if the baby is a boy and even if he’s born right on October 6, for heaven’s sake, don’t name him Bruno!
I love that you call yourself Lee, it’s just my kind of chic. Nora is adorable (and so is her name!) And that daughter of yours is pretty special. When my mother was pregnant with my sister, she thought she was having a boy and had a name all picked out. In the hospital, not sure what to do, they named her after themselves. Joseph and Dorris became Joanne Dorris.
My daughter is Victoria (Torrie), which was my mother’s middle name, but she was supposed to be a Matthew! Everyone in the days before ultrasounds booths at the mall told me I was carrying a boy. My OB said they only missed by one!
This whole thing made me smile, I have to say though, I love your name, Lenora is lovely. Love Lee too 😊 Perhaps it’s a little like people with curly hair would love to have straight hair and vice versa . . . I didn’t like my name when I was younger, I wanted to be called by my middle name, Reneé instead of Crystal, now though I prefer my actual name. For some reason, people are always confused about it’s spelling, I told one young gal at Starbucks if someone looks like they were born before the nineties, it’s probably spelled the regular way 😜
I think you are right–we always want what we don’t have! Also, nowadays the “older” names are making a big comeback. I know babies named Clara, Louise, Rose, Lily, Emma and George, so now it doesn’t sound so strange to me! thanks for stopping by, Crystal!
Isn’t this funny how the old names are coming back? Pretty soon, people will be naming their girls, Terri, again. (please…no). I named my oldest daughter Megan (as did everyone else in the mid 80s), but I gave her my grandmother’s middle name “Amanda,” of which my grandmother hated! I worked in a nursing home 30 years ago and there were quite a few Minnie’s and Winnie’s. I wonder if we will see Winifred and Minerva anytime soon? Your name is wonderful and unique!
Hey, Winnie and Minnie may be on the rise soon! I love so many of the older names and I’m happy to see them coming back around. But they would have sounded so funny to me when I was young, like old people names!
My middle name is Irene which I always hated. Although now that I’m older is doesn’t bother me and I quite like it. Naming children is not as easy as it sounds and sometimes the parents don’t actually think about when the children become adults. I used to put Dr in front of my children’s names to see how they sounded. My children have older names Rachel and Nathan but I couldn’t see them as being called anything else now.
I love the Dr. trick. It’s so funny that you say that because it really does give me pause when my doctor is named Dr. Tiffany Blah-blah, which actually happened to me! It’s always a gamble naming your kids as to whether they will like what you picked!
This is so lovely. We don’t do family names in my family, but I think your daughter is entirely right – when that is done, you realise that what you love about the name then is its connections to people, rather than necessarily personal preference. It’s at least as good a reason to like a name! &, actually, I’ve always thought Lenora is a nice name too!
My youngest has a name that is pretty unusual here – more common in France & Germany. I love her name & I hope she won’t come to hate it. It’s not a ‘weird’ name, just an older one & one not that used in England. But we do get people getting it wrong a lot. Especially as it so happens that another name that contains the exact same letters in a different order has become very popular here. Most of the time when people see her name written down, their brains just convert it into the more common name & they call her that. Additionally, it is the name of a car. Though I hasten to add that the car was named for a girl. The name is a proper name. I haven’t called her Honda Civic or anything. Like I said, I hope she won’t hate the name, as I adore it!
I agree, Honda Civic would be a very strange name indeed for your daughter. Now Honda Accord, that makes sense! 😉 The really funny thing is these names got passed down, passed around, but we never actually talked about it or consciously set it as a tradition, but it seems to have turned into one! My oldest sister got what my other sister and I always called the “normal name in the family–Eileen. I guess there are perks to being a firstborn!
Ah, now my firstborn has a name that I also very much like, but it is much more common – it’s become very popular. And actually that annoys me. I like that no other kids ever have my little one’s name, but I hear the eldest’s all the time. I guess arguably it is a good thing when lots of people agree a name is nice, though! The eldest’s middle name is Charlotte. I was so annoyed when the royals called Princess Charlotte Charlotte. I am not a royalist. At all. For weeks before, all the press were saying it would be either Alexandra or Charlotte, and I could be seen screaming at the papers: ‘Call her Alexandra! Call her *?!*ing Alexandra!’ Still, at least they didn’t use either of their first names. I might have had to change them. And, now I think about it, I do have the Queen’s name as my middle name & never even noticed!