I was born to make nice. I know that most women my age were socialized to do the same, but I truly excel in this regard. I hate to brag, but my making nice skills are pretty much Olympic level. If you think Usain Bolt is fast, you have never seen me flee conflict, controversy or confrontation.
I say all this because I want you to understand that going against the grain and thumbing my nose at the prevailing wisdom isn’t something I do lightly. What I’m about to say runs counter to just about every motivational mantra you’ve ever heard. It’s downright anathema in inspirational circles from Hay House to Hallmark, but here goes. I write today in support of staying in your comfort zone. Gasp! Yes, that much maligned, albeit rather nebulous, area just beyond which lies all the happiness, success and total fulfillment we all desperately seek.
You are more likely to see photos of Bigfoot’s wedding on Facebook than you are to see a meme urging you to stay in your comfort zone. When no less a spiritual guru than Neal Donald Walsh declares in every other post that life “begins at the end of your comfort zone,” you may wonder who I am to question him. The guy has had conversations with God, for crying out loud. Yet, my experience in recent weeks with people who trampled all over my own personal comfort zone while they were apparently out of theirs has made me wonder if “comfort” is really such a bad thing. It seems to be a real selling point for shoes, mattresses and HVAC systems, so why not for our lives? Oh, okay, complacency and stagnation and all that other bad stuff, but I want you to understand that pushing the limits on comfort zones is not itself without negative consequences, especially for innocent bystanders.
The experience I alluded to above has convinced that there are those among us, some of whom may even be, say, blood relatives, who should never, in any slight, possible or conceivable way, ever, under any circumstances, so much as lean, tilt or incline their heads one-trillionth of a millimeter outside of their comfort zones. I’m talking about people whose zones are so tightly circumscribed that taking a deep breath puts them over the line, usually with explosive results. Word to the wise, take cover if you are within their range when they blow.
Should you recognize yourself as a member of the aforementioned group and still truly desire to move beyond your minuscule comfort zone, here are some tips to increase your chances for success as well as to insure that no one tries to strangle you during your breaking out process. The key here, folks, is baby steps.
For example, if drinking a brand of bottled water different from your usual one is your attempt to push your limits, maybe practice at home a few times before trying it in a restaurant during the dinner rush. If a 0.4319-degree drop in temperature is more than you are used to enduring, try wearing a sweater until your tolerance increases. If crowded spaces inspire panic in you, boarding a New York City bus at 5:30 p.m. is probably not a good first step for you.
And my most important advice of all is reserved for those who presume to know what’s best for others and decide it’s time to hurl other people out of their cozy little comfort zones against their will—in a word, don’t! Or at the very least, don’t hurl them in my direction again because if you do, I may force myself to be confrontational and punch you right in the throat.
Now then, if you’ll all excuse me, I’m retreating back into my comfort zone, which tonight extends only as far as the glass of Merlot on the table beside the recliner. Cheers!
My comfort zone seems to be suffering from invasions of the ignorant. I’m hoping that ends next month, but there’s no telling what comes then.
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I hear ya! I worry about how it will all play out, too.
You can’t imagine how relieved I am to read this. Now I can switch my toilet paper ensuring it rolls down over the top instead of from the bottom without feeling like a personal failure. Comfort zone all the way, baby! Cheers!🍷
Were you really considering accepting toilet paper unrolling from UNDER?? Are you insane, woman? Was someone forcing you to do this against your will? What kind of monster would do such a thing? This is yet another thing we agree on! Over the top, baby, and that pretty much sums up the both of us! 🙂
My comfort zone is flexible. Some days it barely stretches to the side of the bed, other days I am eager to get outside, saddle my mare and ride at a flat-out gallop through the vineyards. I just go with the flow.
Exactly! Mine ebbs and flows, too, and I pretty much know my limits. But, I think my comfort zone could easily expand to include the South of France any day! 🙂
Oh how I love this. We should have a race to see who can flee conflict the fastest, I’m pretty much in medal contention on this one too!
Ready, set, retreat! 🙂 I have come to accept that I will just never be very good at assertiveness and understand that I have to save my very limited abilities to stand up for myself in only the most important situations! But, I’m telling you, after seven days of being forced to entertain someone who, honestly, freaked out when she couldn’t get her brand of bottled water, I was almost ready to speak up loudly!
Oh yeah. I am so relating to this post today. And wanting the backstory.
Thanks, Carol! The back story is juicy and I can’t believe I lived to tell about it without committing any violent crimes! 😉
Personally, Lee, I love the comfort zone. I retreat to it as often as possible!
I hear you! The older I get, the more I want to stay there or at least have advance notice if I have to leave it! 😉
Oh Lee I’ve been guilty about writing about leaving your comfort zone! But I’ve also written that we don’t need to reinvent ourselves or push ourselves if we are happy. I think the problem is that we do get advice from everywhere but we know ourselves the best. Thanks for reminding me.
I agree, Sue. We have to push ourselves sometimes or we’ll never grow past where we are. I think you are right that it’s a balance and we know ourselves better and better the more experience we gain. When I push myself out, I just try not to obliterate anyone else’s zone! 😉
I passed ‘People Pleasing 101’ with flying colours – I try to play safe way too often. Adventure is certainly not my middle name, but I’m getting braver since turning 50 so who knows what the future will hold?!
It’s exciting, isn’t it, to see yourself in a new light? It is for me, too. This piece was really just a tongue-in-cheek vent about having to deal with people who can’t bend even a smidgen out of their comfort zone, but expect YOU to accommodate them unconditionally. 😉
I agree entirely, especially about people who feel it is their right to decide other people have to leave their comfort zones. Also agree with you & Molly – toilet paper is always over!
The toilet paper issue really shouldn’t even be debated when it’s so clear WE ARE RIGHT! 😉
Don’t lean in….stay in. I have a 2 mile radius I will travel in each of 4 cities. Which includes Denver where I live. If you want me to have dinner outside of my radius you will have to throw me in your trunk to get me there. I prefer the temperature between 71 and 73 degrees and it to be bright and sunny but I can’t actually be IN the sun. That would be uncomfortable.
Ha, stay in! I know we all have our little “things” that push us too far out! Cilantro and cumin are not only not in comfort my zone, they don’t even have a marked exit on the road map of my life! I’ll gladly drive an hour to meet you for dinner in your zone as long as we’re not eating anything with those spices!
I used to be guilty of all this, then I got divorced and completely transformed into some sort of social butterfly. I guess once I started dating again and had to literally get out of my shell or otherwise get a Playboy subscription. Change is good 🙂
Ha!! Yes, I believe the “personal touch” is always better, Skipah!!
Not sure if change is easier while we are young or while we are older. As a professor, I get to challenge my students in one of my classes to try a leisure activity they have never done before. It can be as simple as just going to a movie alone, or signing up for and taking yoga for the first time. Then they have to write a short paper about their experience. Funny, too, as much as I love to travel, I love coming home and sleeping in my own bed, just a little more!
I think it just comes down to balance and knowing yourself. Or taking small steps to test something out before jumping in whole hog! I was really just at my braking point 😉 when I wrote this, having had someone thrust upon me to entertain (without my consent), who couldn’t seem to manage being one inch outside her comfort zone…complaining and lamenting every single little thing that was “not like home.” But, I know we all have our little idiosyncrasies! 😉