After such lovely Mother’s Day greetings from my now faraway stepsons, this piece needed a replay!
On Christmas Eve, 2002, the same year that my father died and my mother hovered on the brink of a coma, my husband of 22 years looked across the living room at me and unceremoniously announced that he had he lost every single penny of our savings, retirement and investment funds on a harebrained business venture…and that he was leaving me and our daughter…to move across the country…to live with a former stripper…and her five children. Boom, Merry Christmas!
With the slamming of the door behind him, the comfortable world I’d known shattered into a zillion pieces, and I was thrust into an unfamiliar one where my identity was suddenly redefined: ex-wife, divorcee, single mother. Not to mention, penniless and homeless, thanks to my ex’s financial flimflamming. Even more devastating than losing my house and my life savings (and possibly a kidney if it sold on eBay), was the loss of my family. My nuclear family was a small one, but it had been, I thought, a good one. When my ex deserted, he took not only that family from me, but also the larger extended one from his side that I’d come to regard as my own. There were in-laws of all sorts that I had grown very attached to and oodles of cousins that kept my daughter—an only—from feeling lonely. How would I ever rebuild a family for my daughter and me? Even if I remarried sometime, I was past the point of having more children and blending families of stepchildren was often a difficult undertaking. The grief I felt over this loss was almost unbearable.
But, I’m not here to sing the blues about how a man done me wrong. I say this only as prologue to another unexpected turn my life took four years later. Seemingly against the odds, I learned to trust again and fell in love with an especially wonderful—and handsome—Colombian man. When we married I was once again thrust into new roles I had never imagined for myself, such as second wife and stepmother—and stepmother to two sons. Talk about unfamiliar worlds. I knew practically nothing about boys. As the youngest in a family of three daughters, I’d begun swimming in a sea of estrogen at birth and the water hadn’t changed much in the years since. In three generations of reproducing, only one Y chromosome had successfully made it upstream in my family. Sisters, daughters, nieces—those were my areas of expertise. The notion of adding a double dose of testosterone to the mix was both wildly appealing to me and intimidating at the same time. What if I weren’t any good with boys? I mean, did boys shop?
Enter two exceptional young men who immediately put my fears to rest. Handsome, smart and talented beyond measure, my stepsons are also kind and loving and possess the kind of quick wit I value almost more than solid food. They are, as all who meet them note, the essence of something so rarely seen nowadays—they are gentlemen, their impeccable manners a tribute to their father and mother’s influence. Yes, these two had me at “Hola.” They immediately embraced my daughter and me as the rest of their family, as the pieces that had not been missing, yet somehow strangely completed the picture. My daughter, still reeling from her father’s abandonment when she first met the boys, soaked up the attention of two big brothers like a thirsty sponge. The boys in turn got a kick out of having a little sister to variously tease and/or fawn over. The first time we all took a family vacation together, my husband and I marveled that the three kids bonded as if they’d been hatched together. The very real brother-and-sister relationship that blossomed almost magically among them brought healing to my once splintered heart in ways even my loving husband couldn’t have.
If your world has shattered, for whatever reason, and your heart is in tatters, don’t despair. I know it may seem impossible to believe right now, and it may take some time and struggle, but healing and restoration can come to you in the most unexpected ways and in the most unlikely forms. I recently saw a photo from our last family trip that my daughter had posted to Facebook. She captioned it simply, “Best Family Vacation Ever.” Indeed it was and, by the way, boys do like to shop!
A version of this post first appeared on The Good Men Project
Beautiful post Lee! xxoo
Thanks so much, Peggie. Your new grandson is just precious!
Wonderful story! So glad it all worked out so well for you and your whole family. Wishing you many happy times ahead!
Thank you so much for your good wishes, Shari! My only complaint is that now all the “kids” have their own lives and it’s hard to get everyone together in the same place at the same time. Why did ever we encourage them to be independent and think for themselves? 😉
Beautiful, uplifting story. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for stopping by, Pennie. I appreciate your kind words!
Love this. It’s so nice to hear of the blended families that DO work. For Mother’s Day, I wrote a piece on how my step mother has done an incredible job! I am not a step parent, but being a parent, I can imagine how difficult that journey must be. I applaud you and your family for doing it in a loving way! Happy Belated Mother’s Day!
I really lucked out with this crew and the whole extended family on my husband’s side. Thanks so much for your kind words!
I know your story and it still floors me every time I read it in your succinct and humorous tone. This (and the stepsons) was a great add on to your tale.
They are the gifts that keep on giving–now I’ve picked up two daughters-in-law and a granddaughter. One of my better deals, I must say! 😉
You have been through so much. I am so happy that it has all worked out for you. Love the second time around is always sweetest, but getting along with the new family is often hard, if not impossible. You’ve managed to overcome all of those stereotypes!
In the end, my balance sheet came out pretty well. (We won’t talk about the getting there!) Thanks for stopping by, Carol.
I love that your story went from tragic to wonderful. I have had some experience with “step” families and I wouldn’t change it for the world. My mom had 2 girls and married a man with 3 boys. We are a true family. My dad gave me a step mom and step sister before marrying for life when I gained another step mom and step brother. My life is blessed by each and every one of them.
I’m so happy for you, too, Karen! I think you and I hit the step lottery! Thank so much for stopping by. 🙂
What an incredible story! Truth is indeed stranger than fiction. My life and former marriage have taken about as many twists and turns. But like you, I have been given new unexpected and amazing gifts. Thanks so much for sharing this story. I hope it finds some broken soul in need of hope.
I am glad the twists and turns took both of us to better places–eventually, anyway! 😉 Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words. XO
what a wonderful post Lee – you are so blessed to have these men in your life (and your daughter’s). I’m so glad things worked out for you both and you have so many years ahead with these lovely guys. Blessings are sometimes a surprise but always so wonderful x
Thank you, Leanne! Yes, life seldom unfolds exactly the way we imagine it, but often those surprise twists and turns are where the blessings are waiting to find us.
I love happy endings, Lee. Such a great story. I wish you and your new family much happiness.
I like happy endings too–even the ones that take a while to show up! Thank you so much for kind wishes! XO
Beautiful story and such a great reminder that a door slamming is often a window opening. Your stepsons sound wonderful, and are lucky to have you as well!
That is so true, Faye and, boy, did that door ever slam hard, right on me! But, what the window allowed in was well worth it! Thank you so much for your sweet words.
How lovely! They sound like wonderful stepsons. Such an amazing story – the really awful experience followed by such a perfect fit for a new family.
They are really prizes–as are their wives and our granddaughter. No if I could just afford a private get to get everyone in the same place at the same time!
If I wasn’t already married, I think I’d be in love with your husband. How wonderful that you experienced such a great family with your ex (I was happy rid of my monster in law). And to extend the family even more!!
Ha, ha! You know, he’s a hit with a lot of my girlfriends! Thanks for stopping by!
I just love this especially the ending!!!
Thanks, Stacey. I like how it turned out too! 😉
Wow, Lee, what a story! But wow, what a new beginning in a second time marriage. I totally get it, I left my loser husband and still had enough $$ to raise the girls on my government salary, keep the house and car, get nothing and hand him $11K of my retirement! Then I re-met someone from high school (who happened to be born in Colombia–Chilean-German parents) and remarried. I now windsurf, eat wonderful BBQ and added two step-sons and a step-daughter to the family (all adults, thank goodness). I love your writing style, Lee and admire what you have been through and that you are now happy!
Thanks so much, Terri. I’m so happy our “second” times around have given us everything we were missing–and we really scored with the Colombian/Chilean contingents!
Horrible thing to have to go through! However without the rain there would never be rainbows! Love this post!
Thank you, Beth! Yes, the compensation has been wonderful…but, I hope I don’t have to repeat the horrors for future good things to come my way! 😉