To most teachers the phrase “hit the button” has a very specific meaning, referring to the button in every classroom used to call the office if assistance is required. Teachers routinely manage all kinds of issues that arise from having roughly 120 young people—each with unique academic, social and emotional concerns—rotate through their classrooms daily, but sometimes circumstances warrant a call for support. Hitting the button is an option reserved for the most serious situations. It might be a student becoming very ill in class, or a student hitting a classmate or even, say, a student threatening to kill the teacher because the teacher told her to open her literature book. (Okay, she didn’t actually threaten to kill me herself; she merely said she would be happy to see me dead. A bit disturbing.)
I no longer teach in a middle school classroom, but this morning I hit the button—on myself. Just as a teacher tries to handle classroom issues on her own, I have tried very hard to handle my issues of sadness and grief on my own. Like a good teacher, I have employed various strategies to keep the constant low grade depression, triggered by losing both my mother and sister within an 18-month span, from erupting to a fever pitch and completely consuming me. I have dug deep and mustered every ounce of my energy to present the face that the world has come to expect of me—my smiling, social, high-spirited face. No one but those closest to me would ever suspect this has been largely an act for some time now, but I am exhausted and can sustain the effort no longer. Today I faced the fact that it was time to call for back up. I hit the button and made an appointment with a therapist.
Twice in my life I have suffered fairly severe episodes of clinical depression, both times after prolonged periods of personal upheaval and trauma. And twice in my life I have been treated with great success—not to mention gratitude and relief—through a combination of talk therapy and antidepressants. And even knowing this, I still delayed and delayed asking for help this time around. I would never have hesitated to ask for help in preventing a dicey classroom situation from escalating to a dangerous level, so why did I drag my feet when I my own mental and emotional well-being were at stake? Why did I let the misery go on so long?
I am ashamed to say I think it’s because at some deep level in my consciousness depression still registers as some kind of moral weakness, something I should be able to conquer by sheer force of will or right thinking. Despite my clear intellectual understanding that this interpretation of depression is patently false, and as much as I would scold—er, educate—someone else who expressed such an ill-informed opinion, I still struggle with owning my need for help. I know this dark landscape well and I know where the exit is, yet I stubbornly insisted on going down dead ends. Until this morning. This morning I said, “Enough, I am ready to feel better” and I hit the button.
If you feel the darkness of depression closing in on you, please know there is help available. Depression is a very real medical condition and you can’t wish or pretend it away, no matter how hard you try. I know. There are so many effective treatment options now—if one doesn’t work, try another approach until you get the relief you deserve. Don’t be hard-headed and mired in denial like I was for so long. There is nothing to be gained by procrastinating. When you need help, reach out and hit that button, baby!
Hi Lee…Just this morning I received this important FREE offer to help people dealing with depression, using the Radical Forgiveness by Colin Tipping. The statistics of men over 50 committing suicide stopped me cold. See below. Jeanie
Hi Jeanie,
I just came across some statistics that froze me in my tracks!
You know, I’ve been helping people heal their traumas, wounds and feelings of helplessness for over 25 years now, so it came as a something of a shock for me to see these numbers.
This is what I learned: in the U.S. and Canada, men over 50 are committing suicide in record numbers.
That is: white, Anglo-Saxon, financially comfortable men are so unable to deal with their inner pain, that they are killing themselves.
It’s crazy! And surely that’s the tip of the iceberg. So I decided to do something about it. Something for ANYONE of any gender, color, religion or financial level.
I’ve put together a FREE Webinar about how to Beat the Baby Boomer Blues and not become just another statistic. It takes place on Thursday, February 11th at 9:00 pm EST.
You can register here.
If you experience depression in your life, this Webinar is for you.
I’ll talk about why women AND men are feeling over-burdened and lost in their middle years.
I’ve designed the webinar so that you experience a powerful shift that will lighten your heart. Really.
Plus, I’ll send you three videos in advance of the webinar that will lay the groundwork for your healing.
This is happening soon. There are so many people out there battling depression. So sign up now to reserve your spot and receive the videos.
Even if you can’t attend the webinar, sign up to see the videos and a link for the 72-hour replay of the webinar will be sent to you as soon as it’s over.
I look forward to seeing you then!
Colin
P.S. You’ll learn about our world attitudes that feed the fires of hopelessness. You’ll understand why you are not the only one feeling the way you do. And you’ll give yourself permission to take a quantum leap in loving yourself and loving your world.
Come on the journey with me!
Register here. It is happening soon!
P.P.S. I’ve worked with tens of thousands of people across the globe, bringing profound, sustainable peace to their hearts — for many, for the very first time.
So, don’t become another statistic! Come join me! Register here.
Thanks for sharing this info, Jeanie. I think people need to explore all the options and see what feels right and is a good fit for them. This webinar could be someone’s answer to ease their suffering and lift the cloud. Love you, Ms. Jeanie!
Oh Lee,I am so sorry to hear of your depression, but not surprised knowing what you have been dealing with. Sometime I’ll share how depression affected my family. It is insidious and powerful. So glad you have reached out for help. Prayers and hugs.
Thanks for both prayers and hugs, Molly. I’m “okay,” and can sustain “normal” for a while (understanding that my normal is most other people’s abnormal, of course) 😉 but I fall apart soooo easily. I’m anxious to feel more “solid.”
A low dose of Zoloft changed my life. I do believe we are not necessarily wired for happiness. I’m grateful help exists. And I’m glad you’re pushing the button, Lee. There’s no shame or weakness in needing, and accepting, help. Warm wishes to you
I say yay for pharmaceuticals! For me, Celexa back in the late 90s and then its newer incarnation of Lexipro about five years ago made a WORLD of difference. I was so hesitant at first to take any medication, but, wow, so glad once I did. Meds don’t solve your problems, but help clear your mind and mood so you can see things in perspective and deal with them. Thanks so much for sharing a little of your story.
Lee,
We also lost my sister and mother-in-law within a year. Then my father-in-law passed a year later.
I still miss my sis-in-law so much. She was only 50 and has 2 daughters. I talk to her all the time…here comes the tears now.
So glad you called for help. The world needs you!
I’m so sorry, Anne. It really knocks you for a loop, doesn’t it? Even when you prepare yourself mentally beforehand (if you know it’s coming), when it happens you are still devastated. yes, I talk to my mom and sister too! Angel bumps, right? 😉
Thanks for sharing, Lee.
Thanks for stopping by, Penny. I’m looking forward to feeling like myself for real without so much effort. Here’s a bright spot–the roads were fine this morning after the storm so my hair salon opened as usual and I got my hair cut! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story. It’s actually surprisingly easily to be right where you are and not even recognize that what you’re going through is depression and something that can be helped so I’m so glad you had the experience to know that and take action. I’ve been through similar times in my life (haven’t we all?) and when I took the time to take care of myself that made all the difference. Sending hugs.
You are so right, Katy. I even recognized where I was heading, but still kept telling myself, “I’m okay, it’s not that bad.” And then, I’d fall apart two seconds later! Thanks so much for relating. 🙂
Thank you for being so transparent.
Thanks for stopping by, Sasha. I’m looking forward to getting myself in a better place. I know grief doesn’t really “end,” but I hope I will be able to stop it from derailing me.
Lee, wonderful and inspiring post. As a therapist, I have heard many times that people who have a recurrence of depression feel that stigma even more than those who come in for the first time. That sense of, “I know what this is now — I should be able to do what I did before.” But it’s not that simple in my experience. Good for you that you’re going back to get help, which in my book, is going forward.
Thanks, Margaret. There are so few absolutes or straight lines in life, huh? You go through an experience once and you think you’re done, but it’s not quite that neat. There are a lot of looping back around in life! I have great hope for feeling better soon.
This is not my issue, but it IS the issue of people I love. Asking for help can be hard, but it’s the only way to get even again. IF it ever hits me, and it could, one day, I hope I will have the strength to hit the button.
Hi, Carol. Depression really stinks, so I feel for your friends/family who struggle with it. I have been so fortunate in the past that I have responded like a textbook case to treatment. So why did I wait so long this time and pull myself and family down with me? I kept stubbornly thinking it would go away. The sadness at the loss of my mom and sister won’t magically dissipate with treatment, but I will be better able to handle it and also be able function without breaking down crying every day–not to mention the insomnia, inertia and foggy mind. Thanks so much for writing!
I applaud your willingness to not only “hit the button,” but to be so candid and open with others who may be dealing with depression. A big hug to you, Lee–along with admiration and respect for your self-care and sharing.
Thanks, Roxanne. I know what I need to do, but I’m frustrated that I took so long to to admit it. I guess even when you’ve been through it, you keep telling yourself, “It will be okay. I can handle this.” And the truth is I can sustain my regular outgoing tendency for short periods of time, but I cry at the slightest provocation and sometimes just fall apart. Grief and sadness are natural after a loss, but when it completely derails you and interferes with your daily life, it’s time to get off my butt and do something! 😉
Your open and honest note meshes with me and, I am sure, many readers. Each of us has our high and low emotional strides. Because of you, maybe I will find a therapist and some new med to bring me to whatever my new normal is.
I’m co-authoring a book which is gaining popularity on social media. However, we have a negative narcissistic critic who is bad mouthing us to several people important to us. Rather than riding high on all the positive accomplishments and accolades, I feel bullied and ineffective from this person’s mean intentions. Yes it’s time to see the Doc…and thank you for pressing the right button with me.
Hi, Sharon,
The book is going to be so well-received. It will be bring back such great memories for so many people. You can’t listen to the negative talk–easy to say, but not to do! I also understand it’s hard to ignore because it seems as if he has the ear of influential people. But the truth always prevails in the end, I think. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself and keep focused on your success. wishing you the very best!
I am glad you hit the button and are getting the help you need. I too suffer from depression and have found a sweet spot with drugs and therapy. This is a good reminder to all of us…and the families of those struggling with depression.
Wow, Lee. You went through a lot of loss with your Mom and sister. Who wouldn’t be depressed? And why not get the help you need? You should be proud of who you are and the strength you’ve found to make a great life despite these setbacks.
Thanks so much for your kind words, Laurie. Yeah, I really was knocked for a loop with these losses. I miss my sister so much and her death was so tragic, way too soon to leave this earth. I’m getting myself together and trying to focus on life. Thank you for stopping by. XO
I think a lot of us are like this – we give all the right help and advice to others, but we don’t do it when it is us. You’re right, it is very important to know when to ask for help. I’m very sorry about the loss of your mother and sister. x
Thanks for your kind comments, Lucy. Yes, I do think many of us fall into trap of not listening to our own advice about the care we need. I need to wise up on that front! A work in progress right now. XO
Lee, I am not familiar with “hitting the button” term, but the teased me!
I am jealous of your two bouts of depression. Depression is an insidious part of my life.
A reader remarked about the suicide rate for older men. I am a veteran and the rate of suicide for men 50 and older is high. Many are Vietnam veterans that struggled for years with both physical and psychological pain.
During this time of year, rates of suicide are higher than any other. Many feel dispondent because this is no “Joyful Season” for them.
Best wishes to you.
Hi, Prairie Peg,
Thanks so much for writing. I have been out of town, taking care of my new granddaughter. She is such a blessing because last year at this time I had just lost my sister and Christmas was really hard. To be honest, I think depression was a part of my life for a long time, but I didn’t recognize it as such. It makes me angry in retrospect that no doctor picked up on it so I never got treatment back then. I am grateful that antidepressants are very effective for me. People still, even in this “modern” day and age, don’t realize how debilitating depression is, that it is a medical condition just like “physical” ailments are. My friend works with PTSD vets and just as you said, the suicide rates are high and the suffering is so real. It’s heartbreaking. I hope that you are doing okay and that you ask for help if you need it. Life is too hard to manage alone all the time! Thank you again for sharing a little with me here.
Take care!