Let me state right off the bat that I love my husband. I love spending time with him, whether in a romantic little café or the office supplies aisle at Walmart. I love his voice, his touch, his smell. I love that after ten years of marriage he still calls me every day at lunch to say he loves me. I love that he not only surprises me with unexpected presents, but that he always seems to zero in on exactly what I need at the moment, from flowers to sinus spray. And this week what I love most about my husband is that he’s gone.
Let’s be honest here. No matter how much you love your husband, don’t you love him just a tiny bit more when he leaves once in a while? As much as you enjoy his company, don’t you enjoy the opportunity to keep company with just yourself sometimes? To catch up on work, do your nails, listen to music or just sit and stare without being interrupted. Sitting and staring became my preferred form of decompressing during what I refer to as my period of indentured servitude (teaching middle school). While I would never be mistaken for an introvert, after teaching a roomful of high energy, mood-swinging prepubescents all day, I was ready to volunteer for solitary confinement. When I pulled into my driveway on my husband’s tennis days, hit the garage door remote and saw that his car wasn’t there, I would have a small, slightly guilty “yippee” moment. Not that I didn’t want to see my husband, but I was drained and grateful for some time alone to recharge.
Now I have been in the opposite situation too. My ex-husband traveled constantly, often gone Monday through Friday and sometimes for two weeks at a time, leaving me as a de facto single parent. That was hard in general and hard on our relationship in particular (although not quite as hard as his secretly losing all of our money on a harebrained business venture before running off with a former stripper. I’d say those two things were pretty much the nails in the coffin of our 23-year marriage). So, I am certainly not advocating that you get married and spend all your time apart, but a little separation now and then is good for both parties.
I predict that by midweek, and possibly even a day or so sooner, I will be missing my husband terribly and counting the hours until he returns (hopefully with a souvenir or two for me, of course). In the meantime, I’m catching up on writing, sorting boxes of old photos and considering organizing my pantry. I have to work my way up to that task. Perhaps I’d better sit and stare for a while before I wear myself out. Yes, sit, stare and give thanks for my wonderful husband who I know is always there for me…even when he’s not here.
Let me tell you, sister, this both of us retired stuff has been a trial for me, because I love love love my alone time. Which I get way too little of. Far too little. I need more, more, more, as the song goes.
I can imagine. My dad retired THREE times because each time it was a fail. In my mother’s words the days are mighty long when you’re “just sitting around looking at each other.” 🙂 I think his failed retirement(s) had a lot to do with their marriage lasting 58 years! Thanks for stopping by, girl!
I agree with Carol. I miss my alone time SOOOO much! He is fully retired and if he doesn’t have yard work or projects to do he is bored. It’s a small house and sometimes it seems even smaller. He volunteers with Habitat for Humanity but they don’t do much in the winter and that’s when there’s no yard work. We’re still adapting and it’s hard. Loving my alone time has nothing to do with loving him. I’m guessing he feels the same way, but I almost always have worked from home. Enjoy every moment, Lee!
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Exactly, Barbara! I think we all–well, many of us, anyway–need our alone time. It’s not that I want to do something forbidden or secret, I just want to be in my space without worrying about anyone else sometimes. 🙂 Thanks so much for writing.
Great piece! Yes, my husband retired a few years before me. But when I retired, we actually went to couples counseling. Not a smooth transition, to say the least. Thank goodness he takes a few road trips with his hot rod buddies every year.
Thanks, Camille! The secret to a long marriage may lie in having short separations! 😉 I think retirement would be a big adjustment as an individual and then add in suddenly being together 24/7…it would be challenging. Sounds like you were smart enough to ask for some help adjusting. And let’s hear it for hot rods! 🙂
Totally get it! I was the one who had to travel for business and I didn’t get the alone time often enough when I was on the road. Other people, mainly men, would think it weird that I just wanted to get back to my hotel room at the end of the day!
Wow, I think it’s really hard when you are the one traveling for work because you’re away, but certainly not alone. Like you said, you even feel pressure to be with your colleagues in the evenings. I’m very social, but after a day of people-people-people or long meetings, I need to withdraw and decompress. Let’s go to girl camp!
My husband’s new job requires him to travel most weeks Monday through Friday. I was just telling a friend last weekend how it’s a fantastic situation and everyone should have it 🙂 now I don’t know it would work for everyone, but in our case absence really does make the heart grow FONDER
I have to say, a husband who leaves now and then is a mighty fine husband! Being together constantly is too stiffling for both–at least after that first rush of new love oxytocin wears off, anyhow! thanks for stopping by!
I love my husband, and there’s no one I would rather spend time with – but here it is, Monday morning, and I am glad to see him off to work! I need time apart to love the time together.
Exactly! See, there’s something to love about Mondays after all!
Oh, I SO relate to this! Hubs retired over 12 years ago and, since I work at home, we spend a lot of time together. Thankfully, he’s very respectful of my work time and space, but there are days when I would just really like to have the house to myself. When he makes occasional solo trips to visit his son, it’s like a vacation for me. And as I every so often tell him, “How can I miss you if you don’t go away?”
I know–and it’s not like I want to do anything naughty. 😉 I just want to be alone in my own space sometimes–and not feel like I’m ignoring anyone or like I “should” do something for someone. The only thing I miss about my ex is the fact that he traveled. In fact, it was his best quality! 😉
Wow, do I ever get it!!
My husband is one of the best, but since we moved this past summer, I’m finding it a little tough. I work from home and he used to work elsewhere. For now, he’s around a lot more than usual and I’m just waiting for the day when he’s a little more “out”.
Alone time is the best–enjoy your sit and stare time!
I am almost too good at sitting and staring! I have to keep reminding myself to make good use of this block of time to actually get some things done. Okay, I’d love to write more, but I’m behind on my staring, so I have to go. 🙂
I love my alone time as well and I get a lot of it as I am on the road about 2 weeks a month. But, it gets tiring too. This week I am so nervous as daughter’s baby is about to pop and I am far from home. Hubby spent so much time away from home for years so now it is my turn and he loves me all the more — it’s called appreciation!! After 45 years of marriage I still get twitterpated when I pull into the driveway.
Yes, I think the traveling would be tiring, but there is definitely something to be said for the happy homecoming. I’m so excited about your coming grandchild. Good wishes that all goes well!
I do look forward to a few days of “bachlorette” time, even if it just means watching the chick shows he can’t stand, going to bed early, and getting to hog the comforter as much as I want!
Yes! It’s not like I’m doing wild and crazy stuff–I just want to watch my idea of “junky” TV shows (not his!) and fall asleep with the TV on, which drives him crazy. 🙂
I can so relate, Lee. My husband and I work from home and I do enjoy those times when I’m home alone, and I’m sure he does too!
We all need a little breathing room, right? The only thing I don’t mind having next to me 24/7 is chocolate! 🙂 Thanks so much for stopping by!
I totally relate to this Lee in all aspects. I remember times (more than once) when I planned a day off, and without warning my husband not only stayed home but he was sick! Coughing, snotting, moaning interrupted my serene ‘alone time.’ I have always treasured alone time as time to recharge batteries and I am blessed that I haven’t been forced into long stretches that would toss me into the lonely bin. But those short stints are like time gold!
Mine came home this weekend and I was so happy to see him…and so grateful that I’d had an opportunity to miss him!
So true – a little alone time is very good. As Kahlil Gibran said, “let there be spaces in your togetherness.”
Indeed! I’m very social and outgoing, but I still need my alone time. I’m always shocked when I meet people who can’t stand to be alone in their house for an afternoon. I think it sounds wonderful! Thanks for stopping by. 🙂